Meet People Gently
Understanding weakens the need to strike back.
Published July 8, 2026 · By Oriens
When at any time thou art offended with any one's impudency, put presently this question to thyself: What? Is it then possible, that there should not be any impudent men in the world! Certainly it is not possible.
When you are offended by someone's shameless conduct, ask yourself at once: is it possible for shameless people not to exist in the world? Certainly not.
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations Book 9, When at any time thou art offended with any one's impudency, put presently this question to thyself: What? Is it then possible, that there should not be any impudent men in the world! Certainly it is not possible.
When you are offended by someone's shameless conduct, ask yourself at once: is it possible for shameless people not to exist in the world? Certainly not.
Marcus does not excuse bad conduct. He tries to stop surprise from becoming rage. If the world contains impatient, selfish, careless, and dishonest people, then meeting one today is not a cosmic insult. It is part of the human field in which your character is tested. This shift matters because anger often grows from the feeling that reality has singled us out. Stoic compassion begins with proportion. The other person may still need boundaries or correction, but your mind does not have to become a copy of their disorder. You can act firmly without adding hatred. The goal is not softness at any cost; it is freedom from unnecessary inner violence.
Marcus does not excuse bad conduct. He tries to stop surprise from becoming rage. If the world contains impatient, selfish, careless, and dishonest people, then meeting one today is not a cosmic insult. It is part of the human field in which your character is tested. This shift matters because anger often grows from the feeling that reality has singled us out. Stoic compassion begins with proportion. The other person may still need boundaries or correction, but your mind does not have to become a copy of their disorder. You can act firmly without adding hatred. The goal is not softness at any cost; it is freedom from unnecessary inner violence.
Marcus is writing private exercises for himself, often in the form of reminders before irritation hardens into judgment. In Book IX, he repeatedly returns to the fact that human beings are flawed social creatures. To expect a world without shamelessness or selfishness is, for him, a mistake about reality. The reminder does not excuse harmful conduct. It prevents the mind from adding astonishment and personal insult to what already needs to be handled.
The argument works by changing scale. Instead of seeing one rude person as an attack on the order of your day, Marcus asks whether such people can fail to exist in the world at all. The answer restores proportion. A modern reader can use this without becoming passive. Boundaries, consequences, and correction may still be necessary. The Stoic move is inward first: do not let another person's disorder recruit your own. Compassion here is not sentimentality. It is the discipline of meeting predictable human failure without becoming cruel, theatrical, or inwardly violent.